When the time comes

Lifeless shell
where the soul used to be
Where there were memories
Are now gone
Echoes of where the voice
Had resonated from
No more
No more
Gone
Taken away
Leaving those behind with a heavy
heart
Where have you gone?
Can you tell me?
Back to the dust?
If only you could share
How it feels
The inevitable
will come
When my time is done

RIP Apu <3

Love

Dear Boyfriend,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt letter:
Dear Mel,


Love Ajay


LOL!

But really, thank you for everything! I am so blessed to have you! You're the best birthday present in the world <3

Utter Disappointment, the uselessness of mournful behaviour

I do suppose that even after receiving these terrible marks there is no point in being so low in spirit. When I reflect on how I have been studying for most of this semester, I know I have slacked off to a great extent. Not only have I failed to reach my expectations but also I've put forth an obstacle for myself...one that only I can overcome. I am not really sure why I have been very irresponsible in my studies. Being in third year now, I guess it's because I just want to be over and done with school.
I shouldn't give up now. That would be pointless. Yet, I can't help but feel so miserable.

I am very happy and very much in love :3

When you make a promise

...they sometimes fall apart and break into millions of pieces. Then you wonder...where did it go?
I've made so many promises. But I want to renew this one in particular. To trust in God.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

I can't help falling in love with you

Wise men say only fools rush in
but I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
some things are meant to be
take my hand, take my whole life too
for I can't help falling in love with you

-Elvis

About Him

I've never liked speaking with anyone on the phone--at least not longer than 1 min--where all I'd have to answer are yes, no, okay. But this other person is different. We've revealed so much about each other. All our secrets---good, bad, funny, weird...it's so funny how this all started. Before I would only push myself to talk to him for ten minutes because I was not comfortable at all. However as time passed, we called each other more and more often...even until six o'clock in the morning...talking about nothing---only proclaiming endless loops of affection. I love you...I miss you...

It's so funny...I never really thought that I would get a boyfriend. I'm so awkward...I don't have much friends---My family was a mess...my dad did not have a stable job and was starting school---my grandparents had some messed up situation--parents were always fighting...yet...he came to me. God gave him to me---at the time where I was most lonely and sad. I am so thankful.

Ha ha ha...but not at first though. On my 19th birthday he gave me a card asking me to be his girlfriend. My whole family was there to witness it and the card was passed around while teasing me. I even ended up texting his sister my answer because a friend gave me his sister's number instead of his.

I thought it was really strange that he liked me. He was so quiet, reserved, always gave me this look that he didn't want to talk to me. When I found out he liked me I was so shocked. I was like: are you serious??--and I became so flattered and shocked and did not really know what to do. No one really "confessed" to me before.

This might be so cheesy...but I really appreciate how hard he tried to get my attention. That is why I love him so much. He is so hardworking and tries his best.
We were both new to the concept of being in a relationship. Even the part about of holding hands confused him "...is there a time when we're supposed to hold hands?"---

He took three buses to get to my school in the winter, he picked me up from my classes, we studied in the library, ate food together---all these things he remembers so clearly; like a picture.
I feel so different...I feel so happy. I feel so in love. On our first year together...I want to go back to that moment where we first realized our mutual love for one another; the snow falling softly from the sky.

An Old Man's Story

I was sitting at the kitchen table peeling squash for my mom's pinakbit(i), while doing so the old man who rented our basement came up and sat down at the table as well, and started talking to me.

(translated)

I see you have a talent for music. he says to me
I look at him and smile.
Your sister too, she plays the *pretends to play a flute* what is that neh? (ii)
A flute. I reply

It was silent. I didn't feel like talking. But he continued, and this is what he had to say:

The power of music is unbelievable. You know I had an auntie. She loved music. She was rich, her family. She had many men lined up to court her, many rich men.
One day when they went to the church, the pianist was sick.
But it was okay, because there was a new boy in town who knew how to play the violin.
That day at church he played the violin.
He wasn't much to look at you know.
His face was covered with.. you know those boils...

You mean pimples? I say. I tried not to laugh at his lexical mistake. He was truly serious.

Yes the pimples, he continues. But he was very talented. My auntie, she fell in love with this boy. She talked to him everyday. You know he wasn't much to look at. All those pimples.
Her family was so confused why she loved this boy. There were so many other rich men wanting to court her.

Did they get married? I ask

Yes, yes they got married.
That is the power of music.

(i) pinakbit a Filipino dish/ vegetable stew with fish or pork served with rice
(ii) neh: a way of saying girl if one doesn't know your name

Ridiculous Fanfiction

Prologue:

He pushed her against the side of the tree.
The wind blew his black luscious hair to the right.
And the sun made his eyes sparkle.
"Do you like me?" he said smirking,"You said I was handsome right?"
"Yes." She answered shaking.
"Say it louder." he whispered.
"I LIKE JUN OPPA!" she yelled.
It echoed into the distance...

I like JUN OPPA! I LIKE JUN OPPA-PA-PA-PA-PA

He leaned in closer and touched her cheek. She closed her eyes nervously, trying to pucker her lips...
Suddenly one of Jun's friends jumped out of the bushes laughing.
"Hahaha we got that all on tape Yoona, you're such a creep!"

Jun took his hands away from the tree and laughed, "you girls are just too easy."
As he grabbed his back pack from the ground his blonde haired friend ran up to him, his hand raised up for a high five.

As he walked off with Yoona clenched her fist, "this calls for revenge."

A new layout

thanks to yummylolly!
You have great blogger layouts <3
Hey guys...I don't really know if people will have trouble posting comments or w.e but if you do, and if a little window pops up...
just press tab if you can't scroll down to click the next buttons ;D

One sided love gone wrong

I couldn't feel my wrists. The rope was tight. I couldn't see anything. Everything was black. I was breathing heavily. Each breath became heavier and faster. I couldn't smell anything but dirt and my shoes were gone.
I heard a smirk from behind me. I froze. Who was that. Why am I here?

"You don't remember anything. Do you?" the voice asked while another high pitched voice giggled. Strange.
I didn't reply. Just then, the smell of cologne whiffed past my nose. I wanted to cry.
I felt the presence of a warm body come next to me.
A pair of hands pulled off the cloth covering my eyes.
I slowly opened them and looked around. I was in a basement.
The lights flickered and in that brief moment I couldn't believe what I saw.

"Karen?!" I yelled in shock.

It was the girl from my math class. Next to her was my girlfriend's body, partly covered by a garbage bag. Her clothes were torn off. Half of her leg looked like it had been drilled by a power tool. Karen shrugged her shoulders as she reached out for a pack of nails. Her hands were stained red.

"Ttthis is what yyyou get." She said stuttering quietly, "Tthis is what yyou get for cheating on mme. I llloved you. But you chose this ssslut."
"I don't even know yo--"
"Shut up!"
"You're craz--"
"I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up!"

A person was coming down the stairs.
The smell of cologne again.
"You didn't kill him yet?" the person asked. He laughed, "every year it gets funnier and funnier. Give these guys a break."

Karen shrugged her shoulders and started loading up a nail gun.

"Be careful with that..." the guy said, "You don't want that to hit your new nose."

"F$#k off Bailey." She said, her eyes glaring my way.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe my eyes.
My voice trembled as I tried to speak to her, "Please just let me out. I won't tell the cops. I won't do shit. Just let me out. please."

"Hhappy Valentines Dday" she said pointing the nail gun at me.
I swear my life flashed before my eyes.

What's inside a thirteen year old's diary?

aside: I just keep finding all these little things that make me laugh. I just copied some of these entries straight out of my old diary; I didn't bother to change the grammar errors. I can't believe I was so weird!

entry 1:
I'm moving on November 12, 2004

I'm scared of starting in new school. People are different.

Tuesday June 1st 2004:
I think we're wasting money. We went to the Dollarama and China town. We kept on saying sorry and nanay called us "bolang" (i)
I had no homework yeah!

Wednesday June 2, 2004
Dear private journal,
We painted our last set of bricks today (for the talent show). Tino called me a "retard" and I chased him around the stage. I hope he doesn't like me. He's so short but has nice hair. I think he likes Nila. Anyways I'm bored and you can't buy eternal life at Loblaws. (ii)

entry:
Hi today I like nanay. I don't like Charles.(iii)

Wednesday Oct, 26, 2004
Today we went to church. I bought some stuff for my edible cell. Anyway I helped Van on her homework, I am so brilliant. I also met a guy named Carlos. He's pretty cute. I think I'm starting to like that guy. He plays piano! He actually talked to me! Anyway hope you have a great day.

entry:
Today is June 16/05
I AM REALLY ANGRY! SOMEONE STOLE MY GEOGRAPHY NOTES AND I WORKED SO HARD! AND WHEN I FIND THEM I'LL KILL THEM GRRR ERR !

February 24/06
Yesterday I wore my glasses and hair up and eyeliner and the stupid 550 year old annoying Stephanie said I looked old. You know what? She looks a million years old.
ARRGH!
I wish I had a disease so that I could be worth something and no one to insult me or bother me.


(i) translation of "bolang" = stupid/annoying
(ii) The eternal life sentence was a really lame joke our minster told us at church.
(iii) nanay means mother

Another past entry: Free writing

There is no date on this one, but this journal entry was written last year in my Writer's Craft class. It reminds me of the like/dislike opinion about my vacation to the Philippines for the first time (4 years ago)
Disclaimer: I am not at all trying to say Philippines is bad. It's just that my first time there wasn't so great.

People in the Philippines live a very simple life. You are awakened by the cockle-doodle doo-ing of the rooster at 4 am, then you get up out of the mosquito net and roll up the bed padding. The same CD is being played on the stereo every morning and your aunt has already made breakfast: fried rice, egg, and hot dogs. In the table there is cheese whiz, mayo, and a brown bag filled with loads of fresh pandesal. Your aunt offers you some coffee, and even if you say no thank you, she's already made it.

Your job is to sweep the cement in front of the shack-looking house and feed left over to the huge dogs. When you go out you have to take either the bus or the jeepney or the risky life-death motorcycle cart. If you take the bus, some guy will come up to you and give you a ticket. The bus will occasionally pick up the people that sell things for a living. Even if you pretend to sleep, they will still be up in your face: "ma'am"/ "This magical bread cures all"

The streets of the market smell like raw eggs, fish, and urine. The people automatically know you're from abroad. Speak English and you're screwed. English= money. They love to sing karaoke...even if they are out of tune. You can wear pajamas in the streets. You may accidentally fall into a ginormous pothole. You can eat spaghetti at MacDonalds and when you get out of the restaurant you may possibly fall into a gutter. A lizard might fall onto your head. And by the end of your trip, you won't be able to remember the names of all your cousins.

Random Journal Entry: May 12/09

aside: I wrote this last year in my journal, experimenting with Second person. I was cleaning my room this morning and stumbled upon this and I kind of found it funny... just goes to show how random I am.

You are walking down a rocky brown pathway. You hear a train running along the tracks in the distance. Mushrooms and wild flowers surround the side of the trail. It is a never ending path from what you can see. You swear you've been going around in circles. That's the same log... you say to yourself, but you keep going anyway. You hear a rustling in the grass and you stop to listen. Then you hear sniffling, then howling... You turn around slowly to see a small human like creature. It's getting dark and the sun is setting and fading away, into the purple sky. The small creature has green eyes. They twinkle. Suddenly it puts its hands to its mouth and...out comes a brownish liquid, which she forms into a ball. You are stunned and speechless. The little creature takes your right hand and places the small brown ball inside.

"Give this to the one that is most important to you," it says. And with that, the mystical creature fades away into the darkness. You are still standing there, the sun is gone. The path disappears. You look around but you can't see. You walk in one direction but you bump into something hard and cold. A castle? You feel around looking for an entrance, but there isn't any. Suddenly a bright light shines in front of you, blinding your sight. You are paralyzed. Unable to move, you feel frustrated, trying to lift your arms and move your jaw. But you can't because on top of you there is a huge boulder and you realize that you've been stuck there for quite some time.

Journal 2: FAKE BIRTHDAY

Hello.
I must tell you something. I have two birthdays. Yes that's right...two.
One is my actual real birthdate, and the other one is a typo/misunderstanding or an act of FORGETTING.
You see my dad was in charge of writing my information for my birth certificate when I was born.
I was born on Rememberance Day: November 11, 1991...HOWEVER, he put my birthdate as the following day: NOVEMBER 12, 1991. In conclusion, I have two birthdays.

On a good note. Since my dad wrote that my bday was on Nov 12, my mom had no excuse to name me "Remember". THANK GOODNESS!

?

FIRST POST OF

2010

HOORAY!

okay. bye :)

New years has finally passed.
What are you going to do?
Start our resolution?
Or maybe lose a few...?
POUNDS
We're back at school

or work (if you're old)
and counting the remaining days
Till our hours of dread are over
Then we'll be back celebrating
the HOLIDAYS
This poem sucks
and has no flow
and yes it had to rhyme
I had no time
to think
It stinks
This poem
Is a
FAIL
and my mind can't conjure up

any more words

because today
I'm as slow as a

SNAIL

...

*sorry*

What I would rather be doing...

Right now. I am supposed to be studying the last part of my notes. Right now I am procrastinating. Right now I need to go pee. Instead I am typing this blog.
What I would rather be doing is...
-sleeping in my warm sheets
-petting my cat
-eating something tasty
-jumping on a plane to the other side of the world
-exchanging stories with a friend
-listening to music
-watching another Korean drama
-baking my special peanut butter cookies
-reading the rest of Orlando
-cleaning up my room and discovering things
-playing with my makeup
-pretending to advertise the things I own
-painting my toe nails a bright colour
-bargain hunting at some store
-walking around in the mall by myself
-counting money
-in the Philippines with my cousins
-going to my grandmas house
-organizing my sweaters
-surfing the soompi forums
-taking lots of pictures

But instead I am stuck here. Still procrastinating.
it is 8:37 and I still need to go pee.
I
have
to
study
.

It's okay I will endure it.
because

Tomorrow I am free.

I'm Alive

-come back from church and everyone is frozen, cops are standing in their place, a voice is heard from the speakers controlling them
-a victim is crying in the middle
-the person on the speaker got the police men to strip down only to their underwear
-we are scared and walk past them "I don't think it's a good idea to stay here"
-we walk quickly to our house
-no one is outside
-everything is quiet
-one person is walking his dog
-we go inside, I lock all the doors
-my mom and dad disappears
-we have 5 floors in our house, the fifth floor has the elevator
-my sister and I part ways
-I go to the fifth floor
-All the blinds are open so I decide to close all of them
-I hear voices
-"Hey someone closed the blinds..."
-I turn around, there are two teenage boys *the killers*
-one of them says: That means there's a pretty girl in here...
"Oh shit!" I say out loud, because the guy reaches into his pocket for the gun
-I can't find the elevator out of panic, I only see the flights of stairs,
-I jump from the fifth floor and *survive*
-I keep running
-when one of the guys sees that I'm still running *don't know how he did*, he starts shooting the gun like a maniac, and the two killers part ways to chase after me
-there are other girls in the building, I tell them to run for their lives, but they just stand there
-I begin to run down the stairs but I see them below me coming up
-So I start to run back up, run down the corridor and I find the elevator
-I meet up with my sister who is running the opposite direction toward the killers
-so I run after her...
-but we get cornered
-The guys are pointing their guns at us *btw the guns look like a toilet plumber with an explosive on the end---so dumb*
-anyways, then I grab the stick part of the toilet plumber gun and try to point it in the opposite direction, the guy tries to stop me
-my sister does the same thing
-suddenly the elevator door opens and their is a tall girl with a gun
-The bad guys are relieved, (she's on their side)
-while the guys were distracted I take his gun and throw it at the girl's gun
-so does my sister
-and then I ran to press the elevator button (don't know how I could do all this at once...)
-and then the guy was like: Oh shit it's gonna blow up
-The elevator is about to close but my sister runs inside
-The bad guys try to get in, but we push the elevator door closed
-My sister and I look in the elevator mirror, she had lost one of her circle lenses
-LOL

-and then I woke up b/c I was too scared of what was going to happen next
-and I was sweating when I woke up, like I was actually running hahahahahaha!
-This dream is pretty much messed up! I had to do it in point form because I knew I was going to forget if I wrote in long descriptive sentences.. oh man excuse the terrible grammar.

We're moving at the speed of light

we are moving so fast
we leave
ENTRANCES
SIDE WALKS
EXITS
BUS DOORS
we're like moving flocks of ants
there we are one minute
gone
the next
We are moving so fast
that we did not
SEE a girl crying next to us
NOTICE the dollar on the ground
HELP an old lady who tripped and fell
or TAKE PART in a precious moment
running-walking-pushing-shoving
The deaf child smiles at us...
did we REALIZE that the sky was so blue?
We are moving too quickly
why?
where are we going?
for what?
Is there something important that must be done?
I don't know
We move like scuttling rats in the sewers
Is that what we've become?
Where has common courtesy gone?
LOVE is lost
We are moving too quickly
that
we could not lend our seat
we did not see a ten dollar bill fall out of our pocket
we forgot to say hello to our friends
When will we stop
and
slow
down
stop
and hear the world around us
before it's gone.