He Doesn't Remember This

aside: This is a piece I wrote for my writer's craft class (grade 12) It is a narrative essay. We had to choose a story from our past and prove the meaning and message of it.

I am not exactly the type of person who would happily volunteer to jump out of a plane, but for some reason my gut instinct convinced me to make the first move.
I was going to tell him how I felt.
Heck, it looked easy enough in movies.
I'm not going to lie. I really liked this guy. I didn't know anyone like him; charming, funny and intelligent--despite the gap between his two front teeth. Tyler made my thirteen- year- old heart race. I couldn't sleep at night; all I could think about was Tyler this, Tyler that, and after a huge debate with myself, I decided that I was going to confess to Tyler at church. My goal was to give him a note that professed my "like like" feelings which read:

Dear Tyler,
I like you. I think you are very nice and smart. You are very funny and I was wondering if we could get to know each other more. When is your birthday?

That Saturday night, I folded the note neatly into a small white envelope, that I decorated with hearts and smiley faces. I didn't want to keep my feelings bottled up inside any longer. Everyone at school was able to tell their crushes that they "like-liked" them, I wanted to do it too. I was motivated.
The next day, my heart was pounding like a monster banging against my ribcage, trying to escape. It was angry at me, frustrated that I was taking too long to tell him. It was anxious to yell and scream on its own...if it could. My heart was pounding so fast that I could hear it in my ears, beating like a drum. I could barely concentrate on the Sunday school lesson. The teacher's voice dragged on like the teacher from Charlie Brown, monotonous and robotic. I wanted to shut it off. All I could think about was the little white envelope and the note inside of it.
After the lesson, I grabbed Tyler by the arm and pulled him outside. We stood under the huge pine tree in front of the chapel, where hopefully I thought no one could see us. For some reason, time seemed to slow down to torture me. Everything around us moved in slow motion, singing crickets and passing cars filled the empty air. It felt like I was standing in the same place forever, yet one minute probably passed. Once again I could feel my heart starting to act up again...great another drum solo. Tyler must've heard it too. He stared at me confused, and asked, "So what did you want to tell me?"
As I reached into my pocket to grab my heart, Joanna, my school bully and arch nemesis, saw us under the tree and yelled, "Oh la la, what are you two doing under there?"
My palms began to get sweaty, and out of embarassment I hastily shoved the "Like Note" into Tyler's hands. My eyes yearned to see his facial expression but it was too dark. Was he even reading it? At that moment I figured that two things could happen: One, he could run off screaming, "Eww cooties!" or Two, the feeling could be mutual. It became dead silent. All I could here was my mad breathing and heavy heartbeats.
"Sorry Melanie. But I really don't like you like that."
--------------------------------*rewind sound*



Yes, I was turned down. At least he rejected me nicely. It also wasn't as bad as I thought; my heart has stopped pounding, and I didn't shed a single tear. Although I felt a bit dry. BUT, that is not the message I am trying to get across.
What I realized was that taking risks is important. If I didn't confess, I would've been wondering to this day. What if he felt the same way as I did? If I didn't take that chance to shove that "Like Note" into his hands, I would've never known (yeah it was pretty lame! I know what you're thinking! I was thirteen! FYI)

We should always try to grab opportunities while they are right in front of us. It doesn't necessarily mean that we have to change our personalities and become more spontaneous. It just means that the 50/50 chance we take could turn out to be something worthwhile. (well mine didn't, but...yours might!)